At the time, I had no idea that I was energetically financing myself to an unhealthy person and situation. Love is blind sometimes. But hindsight is always 20/20, right? Being completely freed from the cords of entanglement, I can clearly see the immense physical and emotional toll it had on my body.
My precious life force, prana, qi- was severely compromised. I had no idea how the emotional stress, lack of sleep, anxiety, and underlying feelings that something just wasn’t right were enough to culminate into a huge slap-in-the-face wake up call.
It’s been two weeks now that I’ve been able to finally get a solid 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. I’ve been doubling down on my self-care routines, making sure to feed my body warm, cooked foods (working on rebuilding my qi and nourishing my spleen), practicing yin yoga in the evening, and surrounding myself with positive friends and family. My body clock is restoring itself slowly but surely- I’m waking up early again full of energy. I now have my much-needed space and solitude to read, journal and meditate. It’s like coming back home to my ‘old self’ again. And it feels really, really good.
And with this energetic, emotional, spiritual, and physical restoration, my desire to create and make art has returned.
I believe that every one of us experiences ‘the dark night of the soul’- a time when we are broken open. Our greatest pain and losses can be a portal to self-discovery and transformation if we allow them to be. To be broken open helps us better understand those in pain, it deepens our empathy, teaches us grace in forgiveness, and allows us to better hold space for others.
I am looking forward to what this new season will bring creatively and artistically. I’m a firm believer that whatever gets thrown our way, we have the capacity to transform it into something beautiful. We can choose to make art with it.